^ at the MOMA^

Lots of change here lately.

And its good.

Thinking about the future.

As someone who worked as a model for several years, its honestly been hard to find out what I was really meant to do. I didn’t have any plans for what I would do after modeling, because I was so immersed in it trying becoming successful that I was losing track of what really mattered. While all of my friends were graduating college and starting careers I dropped out of school and became a nomad of sorts. Constantly on the go, never knowing what the next day would bring. At first it was exciting to travel and get paid to get your picture taken. But after a while I became tired. Tired of the insecurity of not knowing when you will get paid next, or who is going to book you. It was feast or famine.

And the body issues….As a straight size model I was always too big, then as a plus size I was too small AND too big……yeah…..I’ll save this one for another post.

There was an exact moment I can pinpoint when I knew I was done. At one of my last jobs, I sat in the dressing room waiting for the stylist to come back. I had a full head of hair extensions clipped in, full body padding,(for plus catalog) high heels, and lots of makeup. I started to think about this blog and what it means for me and other people. I wanted to set an example for equality in the fashion industry, and you would think as a curvier model this would be easy to do. But constantly having to try to look bigger and wear a fake body and fake hair just didn’t seem right to me. The clients were never happy with just me, there was always an adjustment to be made. I felt that it was phony to be blogging about how we should be including all sizes of women yet at any job I went to, they were constantly trying to change my body size.  I remember calling my husband after (who has been 100% supportive of everything I have done, thank you!) and saying how much I disliked that day and I thought it would be nice to have a job where I could make a difference. A job that I would love.

I will always continue to push for equality for women and strive to set a good example for others, especially young girls.  I think the best way I can do this is by making the decision to be honest with myself and move onto something more fulfilling. That something has been developing lately through nutrition classes, my love of yoga, and planning for my future.

I have thought about this subject for awhile.(the past month actually) This post has been saved in my drafts for a week now because I was deciding if I should even publish it or not. I wanted to be honest but I didn’t want to offend anyone, or have them think that I was bashing modeling.  I have many friends who model or are involved in the modeling industry and they are doing amazing things everyday. This was my experience and while I have decided to move forward  I will forever be grateful for what I learned while working as a model.