While I was browsing through an old album on my Facebook, I came across these two pictures.
I shot these in 2009 with my good friend and photographer Josh Maready. I was very thin at the time, I would say a size 2/4. These photos look great to me as of now, but I remember when he asked me to shoot them I felt I wasn’t ready. And I mean that as in the few days leading up to that I had eaten more than I should and I had gained a couple pounds. I felt a lot of anxiety about how I looked during the shoot, and that he would not be happy with what the pictures might look like. (By the way, Josh loves all sizes and shapes. This is only what I was assuming in my head) Now I look back on pictures like these, as well as other shoots I have done, and I can’t believe how silly it was that I ever felt that way. But I let this dark part of the industry get to me. I let it get to me so much that I would have anxiety at castings and shoots because I wasn’t ever sure if I was small enough. I put myself, my body, my mind through hell and sometimes I feel like I wasted so much of my life thinking this way. But I know that we can slowly started to change the way others perceive beauty and that it is not whether you are smaller or bigger but that you are confident and love yourself for who you are. Some of the most beautiful women I know are beautiful because of their shining personality. I don’t mean to be cheesy at all but I really feel this way. If I ever have a daughter I would never want her to go through this. I hope as women we can slowly help to create change.